In pain there is healing
by Xbabyxangellx
Summary: Set after 03x06, one-shot. Brittany takes Santana home. It's written in Brittany's P.O.V.


**A/N:** I don't own Glee, though I wish I did rofl. I don't honestly know where this came from, it just popped into my head and I wrote it. It's my first time posting anything i've written.. so... be honest.

xxxxxx

The shimmering light that's cascading through my window sets a sad light into my bedroom. I sit on the ledge of my windowsill, watching cars drive by every once in a while. Sometimes I wish life could be like the night time, where everything seems peaceful and quiet, no one is afraid to be themselves in the night. Hiding is easier in the shadows; people mistake what they see on the silly light of the world. I wonder how life would be if no one was afraid to be who they are, if people didn't belittle you for not liking who society says you should. My thoughts are startled by a groan coming from behind me, I swallow the lump in my throat as I hug my arms around myself some more. It takes me a moment to remember to turn around; my mind is racing as my crystal blue eyes lay upon the small petite brunette sprawled out on my bed. The light from the moon is perfect on letting my eyes focus on every curve of her body, the way her limbs are everywhere. I chew on my bottom lip before letting my eyes fall upon her face. I whimper as I see the silent tears rolling down, she looks like she's battling her sobs in her sleep, and it takes everything in me to not break down right there. But I have to be strong for her, because she's always strong for me.

Before I even comprehend what is happening, my body is next to hers on the bed, the pads of my thumbs glide over the tear stained cheeks, I wipe them away as soon as they escape her sleeping eyes. I pull back slowly, making sure not to ruffle the bed with so much of my body weight it wakes her, I wonder what she's dreaming about. If she's battling the demons she afraid to face in reality, if her dreams taunt her like the kids at school will. I get lost in my thoughts of how different it'll be when the sun rises and everyone knows about us, will people I don't even know judge me? I think they probably will. I'm jerked out of my thoughts once again by small fingers wrapping around my right wrist, my blue sad eyes look into brown sadder ones, it registers in my mind that maybe Santana hadn't been asleep this whole time. She gulps like it's painful and the world will all look at her if she does it loud enough, it hurts me when I notice the pain in her face as she lets everything settle in. I use my free hand to run the pad of my thumb along her eyebrows, soothing away the harsh look on her face, it takes an instant for it to vanish and I smile triumphantly in my mind.

"What time is?" she ask, I let my shoulders shrug lightly before turning my head to look at the alarm clocks red numbers. "3:40am," I say before I whip my head back around to her. She looks at me with the same expression she used to have when she'd have a dentist appointment when we were little, she'd hold on tightly to my legs, pleading with me to find a way for her to get out of it. Her grip tightens on my wrist, tugging me into her, silently urging me to lay with her, to keep her safe. I let her pull me in, as I settle against her; my shoulder bumping into hers, she lets go of my wrist as her arm is thrown over my mid-section. Her fingers dig into my side, it hurts a little, but I don't say anything because she's the one breaking. I let my arms wrap around her, pulling her as close as I can to myself. Her body shakes as tears stream down her face once again, it hurts me to see her so sad. I let my lips brush the top of her head as my fingertips rake down her arm up and down soothingly, "It'll be OK baby. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise." My voice betrays me as it quivers with every word I let out. I know she can tell because her grip around my waist is tighter. I mentally kick myself for being vulnerable for a second. She sniffles against my chest, before burrowing her face deeper into it. She's trying to get lost, trying to find a way out, a way to make this all go away. I can hear the wheels in her head turning, and it pains me a bit to think she might be coming up with a lie to dispose the truth of her being a lesbian.

It doesn't take very long for her breathing to become even, I realize that this time she is really asleep. The grip has loosened on my waist, but she still clings to it. Apart of me thinks she's more afraid that I'll leave her if things get hard. It's probably my fault the words of Finn's echoes into her mind_, "You can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany, and she might not love you back."_I wonder if Santana thinks that if it gets hard, I'll leave her for something much easier. I feel a pain in my heart as it hits me that I'm a part of the reason she's so terrified, I turned her down when she was most vulnerable. She stirs a bit and moves up my body as her face is now burrowed into the crook of my neck; I can feel her nose pressed against my throat as her breathing becomes more off beat. She's dreaming again, the small whimper that escapes her mouth gives me the first clue it's a bad one. I let my lips press lightly onto the top of her head, as my arms shake her gently. She wakes up instantly with a small yelp; she pulls away from my body and wraps her arms around herself, laying as far off to the edge of the bed away from me. Walls, she puts them up when she can't find a way to deal, I won't let her do it this time. I push my body to the middle of the bed before reaching out and wrapping them around her waist, she fights, but I tug harder until her back is pressed against my front. I warp my arms around her as tight as I can my chin rest on her shoulder as I breathe slowly, I can feel her breathing match mine now and I know she's calmed down from the dream. "I love you," I say against the shell of her ear, its silent for a bit and I star to think she's fallen asleep. But then her arms glide over my own on her waist and her fingers intertwine with mine on her stomach, she lets out a breath before replying back to the three words I had said. "I love you, too."

xxxxxx

This time we both fall asleep. My grip never leaves the possession state it has around Santana's waist, and I'm not sure how long we've been asleep for until I feel someone tap my shoulder. I'm afraid to open them, afraid to know that it's the next day and everything is going to be so much harder for the girl I love. But then the tap is a little harder this time, whoever it is tries not to wake Santana in the process. I let my eyes flutter open and they fall upon my mom, her lips are in a tight straight line and the sun is now up and flowing through the open curtains in my room. Her blue eyes peer into my mine, she looks sad, like everything is finally coming together in her mind. Her voice startles me, it's quiet and soothing but still scares me in a way that it shouldn't. "The advert aired this morning." She says it in a whisper, like if she doesn't say it loud enough, no one else will know about Santana. I gulped before shaking my head, "I figured it would." She lets out a small breath and I can see her eyes brimming on the verge of tears, she leans over and places a soft kiss against my forehead, mumbling a small _'I love you'_ before she pulls away and lets her lips brush Santana's, she mumbles the same three words, along with _'it'll be OK, you have us'._I've never been more proud of my mother than in this exact moment, I knew she had known all along before I had told her everything while Santana showered after the mash off. She didn't look at me any differently; neither did my father and it made me happy, but sad at the same time, because the three of us knew Santana's family would not be as accepting.

xxxxxx

I must have dozed off again with my mother in the room, because the next time I open my eyes, Brown eyes are staring back at me. Her eyes don't look as sad right now, and it sends a small warm feeling through my body. My arms are still wrapped around her, but loose enough that she was able to turn around to look at me. She looks at me like she wants to say something, but I see the battle going on in her head and instead of trying to force her to say what she's thinking, I lean down and capture her lips with my own. She doesn't hesitate to kiss me back, and it makes me feel better about everything. It's not one of those rushed kind of kisses, our lips linger on one another's like it's sealing a fate of a promise neither one of us have spoken. That this is forever and no matter what happens today, we'll have each other. She pulls away first, and her fingers run up my arms before her fingertips graze over my jawline, for the first time before Santana had went to Sue's office, I let my lips form a smile. She smiles back, and it makes my heart skip. "I dreamt about you," And I realize that she hadn't had another nightmare after we both passed out. "Did I have a unicorn? Because I think dream me should have one." I state, hoping to lighten the mood some more, she chuckles a bit before shaking her head no. I pout, but her thumb glides along my lips and I can't help but smile. "You and I, we lived in a small dingy apartment in new york. It wasn't anything fancy, but because I had you, it was everything."

She lets her eyes look everywhere else but my face, and I can tell she's not telling me the whole story. I bring my hand up to cup her chin and pull her face gently to look at me. There's something eyes shining in her eyes, as if her dream had awoken a piece of her she didn't know she had, "and?" I urge her on, "I kept hearing tiny feet padding around the bed we slept in. So I looked over you to find a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes staring back at me." It takes a moment in my head to register what she's saying; she's fiddling with the bottom of my tank top now. "Did we kidnap her?" I ask, still a tiny bit confused, she chuckles. "She told me to not be loud, because you mommy was sleeping. And then she said, 'momma, will you play with me now?' and at first I felt like someone else is in the room with us, but she's staring right at me like I'm crazy to think someone else was there." She shakes her head, before burying her face against my neck, I can feel her smile against it, and it pains me to know that I'll have to break whatever spell she has been put under. I wrap my arms tightly around her, before my chin rest on the side of her face, "Babe," she nods meekly against my neck, "I know." She says it so quiet that I'm unsure she even said anything. "I heard your mom when she came in." I sigh and begin to trace words on her back, it quiet for a long time but then I hear her say "I have you. So I'm not so afraid anymore."


End file.
